I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
