On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think people are normalizing furries
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
