Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
