my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
