i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
