I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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