Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
