Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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