Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
