I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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