This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
