I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
