Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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