Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i think i just lost a toe
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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