my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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