i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Houston, we have a blender
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
