Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So much rum. So many feels.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
