I hate your face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
