I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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