Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
