my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
