and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
