She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
