Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
