I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
