My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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