i just had sex bonerless
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
