The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
