Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
