You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
