Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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