I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
