Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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