Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
