i already hear my dad disowning me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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