Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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