This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
