Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
