my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
