Umm I'm too high to move.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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