home. puking in laundry basket.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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