Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
