FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
