Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
