Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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