He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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