i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
