At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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