WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
false alarm, still single
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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