So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
