Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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