Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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