I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
